It's officially been one week since our last attempt conceiving via clinical means, which explains in part my last post. Why did I torture myself by looking through X's baby clothes? I don't know. Probably to test the waters, as it were. Unfortunately, the water was not fine and Mr. DD found me in X's closet, wracked by sobs. I was able to make it through 2 of the 6 bins of clothes before he drug me out of the closet to lead me, loose-limbed and dazed, into the bedroom to lay down for a few minutes. I secretly wish he would say let's try again; let's go for the adoption; let's not give up. But I know he won't. That's why he's the rock. I'm the jellyfish throwing myself onto the rock. Guess who's going to win that skirmish.
I've noticed the slightest changes in my Bloglines. I watch a total of 97 feeds, which break down as follows:
4 adopting blogs
9 miscellaneous writers
10 secondary infertiles trying for baby No. ?
22 pregnancy blogs
26 infertiles trying for baby No. 1
26 Mom's - whether through ART, adoption or luck (which I recently threw myself into, so the total is really 27)
As Wavery noted, she also has me listed under Parenting, which I would loosely term what I'm currently doing with X, since planting his little butt on the couch to watch the same movie over and over again while Mommy sucks down a few concoctions (and make sure he doesn't sneak a sip from since it looks suspiciously like chocolate milk), is not going to win me brownie points with social services. I've got to come to the realization that my focus has to be on X and not Baby May (or Baby September; or Baby Whenever).
In fact, I found Tertia's recent posts on "spoiling" IF children rather intriguing. I want to hitchhike on her post, but I'm going to save that for another time as I'm waiting for all the comments to come in. Maybe the point will be made and I won't have to go there; maybe not.
Personal factoid: I love the beach, but am terrified of going in the ocean, especially when it gets so deep I can't see the bottom.
Wednesday 3 May 2006
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